He Called Me Back To Him

Picture taken in 2011

By the end of 2011 I was a complete mess! I was turning 30 and my life was all over the place. I never felt so far away from God during that period of time. I was living a sinful lifestyle with little to no conviction.....talk about a dangerous place to be! I could no longer hear from Him because sin had separated me from the Father. Isaiah 59:2 says, "It's your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore (NLT)"
I remember sitting at my desk in the office in DC (I left Atlanta in 2009 and moved to DC to live with my boyfriend) and just feeling so depressed. I started talking to God and I said "Lord I want to be happy again. I'm tired of lying and living a lie....I don't know who I am anymore." And right there in my office I repented for everything that I did and was doing and asked God for forgiveness and guidance and instantly I heard his voice. He told me it was time to go back to where he sent me (Atlanta). Although I heard God's voice......I struggled with what He wanted me to do. I thought....what are people going to say when I return to Atlanta (I was very prideful). But the fact of the matter is I never consulted God when I made the decision to move. The first position that I applied for in DC I got it and said "Woo look at God." As if it were Him that opened that door. I never asked God if I should even take the position. I moved out of order because He never released me to go. Finally after wrestling with what God was telling me to do, I moved back to Atlanta and basically had to start over just like I did when I first moved there after college in 2005. I had no job, little money, and no place of my own.

So I'm back in Atlanta and this time I was going to do it God's way. I knew that I could no longer live life doing things with my own strength. My way didn't and doesn't work! My first assignment from God was to go on a fast and consecration. He said he wanted to release me from every sexual soul tie and make me whole again. He said how can I bring you the husband that you desire if you are still One with all of your exes (1 Corinthians 6:16). So I'm in the middle of my "fast" (I put quotation marks there because I really wasn't being fully obedient with the fast. While on the fast I was watching reality TV mess, indulging in celebrity gossip on the blogs, listened to secular music, and if I got really hungry, I gave in and ate!)....as I was saying....in the middle of my "fast" the devil sends a major distraction! The distraction came in the form of a very attractive, highly successful entrepreneur who went to church sometimes and could quote scriptures really well. He wined and dined me and I got a gift sent to me everyday! Satan really knew how to reel me back in! He would pray and we would talk about the Lord but he couldn't seem to keep his hands off my body! He cursed like a sailor and when we would go out to dinner he wouldn't just have one glass of wine....he would have several shots, several beers and would get irately drunk! I would have sex with him and feel total conviction afterwards. Since he served in his church and called himself a "man of god" I thought maybe he will understand my convictions about our relationship. I shared with him how I felt and he still continued to lust after me and I continued to let him! You see I was afraid of being single (I couldn't admit it to myself at the time). Being single meant that I had to really deal with my issues. After about 3 months of this roller coaster ride with this man I couldn't take it anymore. I knew God did not send me back to Atlanta to be in another dysfunctional relationship that pushed me away from him. I prayed and asked God to remove me from this situation because I don't think I can do it myself. The day that I prayed that prayer was the last day that I talked to "Mr distraction." He literally fell off the face of the earth and just stopped calling. I believe God felt the sincerity in my heart and he answered my prayers by completely removing him.

Since I cut off the random, I started my consecration fast over. This time I was serious about it. After my fast, I felt free and revived but I also felt kind of alone. Not alone because I didn't have a man, but I didn't have a lot of friends or women in my life who were on a pursuit to holiness and purity. The one friend that I did have who understood the journey that God had me on was going through so much in her own life. So I told God my concerns about wanting to live holy but not knowing how and wanting an example of what holiness looks like. You see I always knew that sex outside of marriage was against God's will. As a teenager and through my young adult years I attended a church where the pastor was a virgin until he got married so I did have 1 example. But the examples were few and far between and no one was mentoring us young ladies on how to live holy and keep ourselves and why God made sex for marriage only. The women who were married didn't keep themselves until their wedding night so it was hard for me to receive them telling me to wait when they didn't (no judgement....it's easier for me to listen to people who are going through or have been through what I'm experiencing). I knew that I wanted to pursue purity in mind, body, and spirit....not because I wanted God to bless me with a husband, but because it's what he is commanding me to do and above all I wanted to be obedient to my Father who saved my life and called me back to Him and loved me back to life. So that same day, I'm on twitter and one of my followers re-tweeted something that Heather Lindsey posted. I was so connected to what she posted and I went on her twitter page and found more tweets that spoke to my spirit. Then I read her blog on how she not only waited to have sex until her wedding night but she and her husband had their first kiss together on their wedding day. Then she posted that Pinky Promise Atlanta was getting ready to launch and the first meeting was next week! I knew it was not a coincidence.....it was God!

Pinky Promise allowed me to meet hundreds of women who are pursuing purity and have married men who waited for them. I've met hundreds of virgin adult women who truly inspire me. The world wants you to think that you can't have a man who is more interested in your soul than your body. This is why God asks us to renew our mind daily. You renew your mind by constantly studying the Word of God. You'll start thinking less like the world and more like Christ. I started journaling with God and having daily quiet time (I'll blog about this later). I got an accountability partner (One of my Pinky Promise Sisters) and we would text each other every night and do "bed checks" to make sure that no one was in our bed that shouldn't be there. I often say that I don't think I could have done this without Pinky Promise and I don't know where I would be if I never met them. Yes God is enough but the bible also says that "Iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17) and I needed the support of my sisters in Christ to encourage me to keep pressing toward the mark even when my flesh feels like giving up. You need other good, solid, Christian friends in your life to help you grow in the Lord.

Lori, Heather, and me on one of our shopping outings. 

At the 2014 Pinky Promise Conference 

So I was finally in a true spirit filled, fully surrendered walk with the Lord. I was single and saved for real (I'll blog on what I mean by this later) and really focused on my relationship with Christ. On March 18, 2013 I met Shawn Lamar Spears. He was and is everything that I asked God for and everything that God knew I needed. I didn't even have to bring up purity to him, because he told me from the beginning that he wasn't interested in being in a relationship that encouraged him to be disobedient to God and that he was not having sex until his wedding night or he would live totally single serving God like the Apostle Paul. I never had to force anything in our relationship and I never had to wonder where our relationship was going. From the very beginning we courted with the purpose of marriage and I had so much peace throughout our courtship and even on our wedding day. I knew without any doubt that I was marrying God's best for me.

Last Spring at our weekly Wednesday bible study dates at Buckhead Pizza Kitchen. I never knew that studying the bible with my man was possible. God is so faithful! 

There's so much more I want to share and will share with you. Thank you for taking the time out to read my first blog post. I love you guys!!

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

- Jennifer Spears