Contentment

As far back as I can remember, I've always had a love for nice things. I don't know if it was the stories my father told us about his hot rod 55 Chevy he had in high school, dreaming about my uncle who lived in LA, or maybe the people my parents worked for that had big beautiful homes that we often visited. My parents worked hard to make sure my brother and I had nice things and a loving home. If there was something that my father wanted us to have that was really expensive, he would figure out a way to get it for a cheap price. My brother and I had nice motorcycles, cars, clothes and many other things. What people didn’t realize was there was a story behind the glory. Some of the fancy cars we had, we bought with a bad motor and my father would spend endless amounts of time showing us how to repair it. There were countless other times where our parents found a way to bless us with nice things along with spending time with us.

 As I got older, I wanted a microwave lifestyle. I wanted nice things and I wanted them quickly. I didn't mind working for them and I would always figure out how to get what I wanted. Often times, after I accomplished one thing it seemed that I wasn't satisfied and I wanted more. There were times when I would see someone get something I felt was better than what I had so I started coveting what they had. A lot times I would realize that actually what I had was better LOL. I stayed in a constant tug of war with myself. I was truly in constant defeat in my life. I felt like I was never satisfied with anything. I always wanted more or something different. I would often run around town saying how God has blessed me with this and that when I never even consulted with God. I did what Shawn wanted and then when I became overwhelmed in my mess, I would cry out “help me Jesus” as if He was the one who put me in the mess.

It was in the lowest point in my life where I found true contentment. After all these years of being in battle with myself I was sitting in my prison cell and Christ took me to the book of Philippians where I started studying what Paul wrote in the letter to the Philippians talking to them about contentment. Philippians 4:11 says, “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstaces. Between that verse and Philippians 3:13-14 which reads Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. These scriptures truly changed my life and renewed my way of thinking. I found myself telling God, “Lord if you want me to work at McDonalds I will. Lord whatever you have in-store for me and whatever you want me to do, I will do it. I found that the only thing that can fill all of my voids and give me true contentment was Christ. I laid down all of my burdens and struggles and said to God, “Lord whatever your will is for me, let it be.”

God knows the desires of our hearts (Psalms 37:4). When I laid everything down to Christ, He blessed me with my hearts desires because finally, His desires became my desire. All these years of chasing paper (money) and with ease God blessed me unconditionally. I always desired to live in Atlanta. God dropped me right downtown with an amazing view of the city. I may have been in a halfway house downtown but I was content. And I guess God had more for me than McDonalds because He allowed me to be surrounded by people in the halfway house who had the knowledge and information to help me complete my LLC paper work for my company while still serving my time. I set up our office in Buckhead from a pay phone in the halfway house and the day I was able to leave out of the halfway house to go to work and come back at night I was blessed to walk straight into my Buckhead office. I rode the train to the office for six months because of my charge my license was suspended, but I was so happy just to ride that train. I was truly content. There was a time when I loved driving so much that I would have driven without a license. But I wanted to obey God at all costs and a part of that was obeying the law. God ended up working it out where one of my good friends brought my truck from TN to Atlanta. One of my Christian brothers from the halfway house who had just been released would drive me to appointments in my truck. Then I met my wife and she drove me until my license was straightened out. I didn’t have to worry about anything. God had everything worked out. I can remember being at the halfway house and I told God if you want me castrated so I have no sexual desires I will do it and follow you, but God had a different plan and sent me an amazing woman of God that was seeking Christ on the same level as me. All of these things happened once I found true contentment with God. See this time around I didn't have to force anything, I didn't have to be in constant turmoil with myself because God laid the whole plan out for me. For 40 years I was lost in the wilderness but on June 12, 2011 as I turned 40 in prison God brought me out of the wilderness. 

I've had people in the last few years say that I don't have any money anymore and my response has been that's OK when you rolling with the man (Jesus) He doesn't require you to have money because God can bestow favor on your life that money is not of an issue. My wife and I were talking back a few months ago and I was telling her that I saw a house that was foreclosed and we could possibly flip our house and pay cash for the other house because of the favor God had on us when he Blessed us with our house now and the equity that we have in it. My wife said you would want to sell our house, I love our house. I replied to her “babe after what I’ve been through in my life I never want to love anything more than Christ. If God tells us to sell and come closer to being debt free, then we will do what God says. Like Paul said in Philippians 4:12, I've had plenty and I've had little, but whichever way I've learned to be content. I use to do what Shawn wanted to do but now I just want to do the Lord’s will. Now don't think there aren’t times where I struggle with contentment. In those times, I cast down thoughts that try to make me feel like I’m not satisfied with my portion. We have to make sure that we aren’t constantly on social media which can make us feel discontent. Instead spend time in the word of God to have your mind renewed. God can’t give us more if we aren’t content with what we have.

God Bless you,

-Shawn Spears