Wait on the Lord

As a child, I was always persistent. I was going to make something work whether it was the right thing for me to do or the wrong thing. My mother and father called me "hard headed." As I was observing my baby girl Cree the other day, I told my wife "this isn't good." She replied, "what isn't good?" I said Cree is hard headed and wants to things the way she wants to even if it hurts her, just like me. My wife replied, well lets pray that the Lord uses that persistence for his glory. My wife has a special gift of optimism....she is able to look at any situation and find the positive. I began to ponder and meditate on this because that bothered me to watch Cree continuously do things that would endanger or hurt her after being told no. My oldest daughter Tiara is a lot like me too. We both are determined to use our own strength to make something work because we don't want to be patient enough to wait on anybody including God.  

As an adult, the persistent characteristic that I had turned into impatience and I would force any situation to work as long as it worked in my favor even if it wasn't the right thing. The motto I lived by was "I'll try almost anything once." How crazy is that! Some folks will say that this mindset is good because it means I'm a go getter. While there's nothing wrong with being a go getter, the mentality that I had was dangerous. I would keep pushing buttons until something worked and lot of times this can be a disaster waiting to happen. 8 out of 10 times I'm more than likely digging myself into a deeper hole. I used to be a Real Estate Investor and when I started to see signs that the house market was going to crash, I didn't take precautions. I was determined to continue living the lavish lifestyle that I was living. I was persistent and determined to hold on to everything that I had even though I felt in my spirit that God wanted me to let it go. 

I lived my life this way until May 16, 2011 when God forced me to my knees in my prison cell and bow down to Him. One of the hardest things is learning patience while in a prison cell. One thing about me is I hate sitting around doing nothing. I was constantly going and going and never allowing myself to sit and meditate and hear from God. Until I went prison! I had no choice but to follow the orders of the prison guards, read my bible, pray and meditate and talk to God and learn how He communicates with me. The Lord really developed patience in me while in prison. If you could be a fly on the wall in my cell you would see a crazy man bouncing off the walls trying to add the fruit of the spirit into my life after living a completely different lifestyle for 40 years. I was a complete mess but God took my mess and molded me into who He created me to be. I lacked wisdom in so many areas. James 1:5 says that "if any of you lacks wisdom you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." So I prayed that God would give me wisdom to handle situations in my life so I would never have to use the wrong judgement that would lead me back to prison. I was determined to become a better person and make better decision. I took the persistence and determination that I once had in the world and used it to glorify God because I became persistent in reading my bible, developing godly gifts, and being obedient in what God was calling me to do. 

There are times when I feel like the old Shawn is rising up as I'm waiting on something to happen in my life and immediately I begin to the think how can I make this situation work. I'm so thankful that I'm able to recognize when my old self tries to resurface. I quickly get on my knees and begin to seek the Lord on how to handle the situation. I've learned through all my past mistakes that I have to exercise patience and wait on the Lord. Psalm 27:14 says "wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Waiting on God is always worth it. I would rather be patient and in the will of God, than try to make things work that he never intended for me to do and up outside of his will. Being outside the will of God is a dangerous place to be. I pray that the Lord uses Tiara and Cree's persistence and determination for His kingdom and that they will learn from my example that it's better to wait. I also pray the same for you.

Joseph waited 13 years 

Abraham waited 25 years

Moses waited 40 years 

Jesus waited 30 years 

If God is making you wait, you're in good company. 

- God Bless you

Shawn Spears